‘When were you going to tell me? We have this great year and you’re gone? How could you?’ Then I started to cry. I hated it. It was a sign of weakness. ‘No, Fifths, I’m not leaving.’ He put his arms around me. I sobbed against him. ‘I’m not going anywhere. I start grad school in the fall.’ When I calmed down, I hit him, pretty hard this time. ‘How could you let me think that, even for a moment? That’s cruel.’ ‘I didn’t, I had, I didn’t realize you’d hear it that way. It never crossed my mind for a second to go anywhere without you. How could you think that?’ Now he sounded incredulous. ‘I don’t know. It just sounded like, I have no idea. I’m sure there’s a good reason in there somewhere, but I don’t have a clue what it is. Maybe I’m just insecure. I’ve never done this before. ‘You know lots of people are in love and then they’re not.’ ‘Not going to happen, Fifths. You’ve saturated me so completely, you’ve become part of my DNA.’ ‘That’s probably very romantic in the nerdiest way. One, who was most satisfactory, was a woman who ‘hired’ me to be her female companion on short vacations. Once the train was in motion and we were securely locked in her private train, she would change into male clothes. From then on, I was to pretend my client was a man, which brought out a hereto-undiscovered part of my profession. Acting. She would run her fingers through my hair, gently unpinning it as I pretended to be a terrified bride on her wedding night. She wore a phallus strapped under her breaches and some nights she would take the fantasy to its longest form. Those nights it could take hours before she gently pressed the phallus into my ‘virgin’ passage, as I shuddered in ‘horror’ and wept my fate or moan in ecstasy, depending on her wishes. Other nights she would press me onto my back or belly and take me roughly, with few if any preliminaries. A few special nights she would order me to strip and dance for her, dressed as a harem girl. These were always interesting,.
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